May 20, 2020
A person usually has different identities in various situations, and they could cause a person to be confused about who he or she is. In Children of the River, the story reveals a teenager who is facing an identity crisis among multiple identities in her daily life. Identity crisis is an inability to accomplish ego identity, which often happens during adolescence (a period of teenager’s identity development). There are two main types of identities revealed in this novel: gender identity and cultural identity. Sundara’s struggle with others’ thoughts about her gender identity, and also the conflicts between her cultural identities, cause Sundara to be confused about herself. This novel also shows the failure and struggle of Sundara dealing with her identity conflict. In other words, balancing multiple identities could be a difficult life problem for a teenager, but one that is necessary for growth.
We can’t decide some of our identities, like our gender, but gender could have a great effect on our lives. Sundara is a Khmer girl, who is often restricted by her girl identity. She moves to America studying because of the war in her country. One day, when Jonathan’s coach sees Sundara and Jonathan eating lunch together, he comes out with a thought that Sundara will affect Jonathan’s performance in football, “Oh, he has this thing about girls. Thinks you sap our energy. Get us all distracted” (Crew 86). This is not fair to Sundara being blamed by the coach. A boy’s performance in the game is no relationship between which gender of a person ate lunch with him and whether the football team will win or not. Sundara reveals Soka’s gender bias when she says, “Too personal to mention, how her aunt hated to spend money on a girl’s education when there was always the risk﹣however slight﹣that she might get pregnant” (Crew 101). Soka dislikes spending money on Sundara’s education as girls might get pregnant. On the other hand, boys never get pregnant. That is to say, the people in Cambodia think a girl’s education isn’t important at all. In contrast, it is better to spend money on a boy’s education. This novel reveals people’s innermost thoughts about the inequality of a girl’s gender identity. Sundara shows how you can stand up against discrimination and grows into who she is despite the gender bias around her.
In addition, different national identities could cause many cultural differences, and this brings out cultural identities. Soka thinks Sundara is too American, and she doesn’t want Sundara like that since she thinks Americans have lots of bad habits. In contrast, Sundara’s friends think she is so different from other American classmates. She doesn’t often watch a football game, and it is almost impossible to ask her out at the weekend. There are so many cultural differences between Cambodians and Americans, so she has to pretend like an American at school to avoid being mocked; she has to try using another attitude to live at home because a Cambodian should give an elder more respect. It is also difficult for Sundara to obey her country’s tradition in America. Her country’s tradition doesn’t allow a girl to stay alone with a boy, but America is totally different. Moreover, her aunt doesn’t agree with some American values, it’s hard for Sundara to meet Soka’s expectations in this free country. Being described in this novel, “Resisting Jonathan was, after all, very difficult. At home each evening under Soka’s watchful eyes, Sundara promised herself she would stop seeing him. But each morning at school, she quickly forgot her resolve” (Crew 93). Even though Sundara knows that she is not supposed to meet Jonathan again, she lets Jonathan go into her place, and makes Soka mad at her. As a result, “she hadn’t been allowed anywhere since the day her deceit about Jonathan had been discovered” (Crew 149). This impulse of letting Jonathan go into her house makes herself get in trouble. She is stuck between identities: one her aunt wants her to follow, and one that she wants. Sundara should spend a lot of time adjusting her inner thoughts because she might be confused about what she should do and who she is.
It is better for Sundara to find out the best balance between her family’s wishes and the person she wants to be. Balancing multiple identities is the first life problem that teenagers have to deal with, as sometimes there are some conflicts between identities. Sundara wants to be a good Khmer girl, at the same time, she enjoys the delightful time with Jonathan. She tries her best to let Jonathan understand her situation, she tells him, “I’m sorry, but it’s better for everyone, I think, if we don’t see each other anymore” (Crew 128). Jonathan still can’t understand, he replies to Sundara, “I guess I just never figured you’d try so hard to stick to your old customs now that you’re here. I thought you wanted to be more American” (Crew 130). Sundara explains to Jonathan that she wants to be more American, but her family doesn’t want to. She has to follow their wishes since she must obey them. Jonathan keeps asking her questions and does not understand her situation. He thinks that she is not in Cambodia anymore, and also the girls he met are so different from Sundara. In my opinion, Sundara should follow her family’s wishes because she is too young to make this type of decision. Just as Sundara’s uncle says, she should only focus on studying and going into Medical school right now. Also, when making decisions, the family must come first as the family is much more trustworthy and willing to help than friends. Even though, after knowing the boy she loves is dead and Jonathan gets into the hospital, she breaks her promise talking with Jonathan. This time, the result and situation of getting close to Jonathan again are worse than last time, and this destroys the relationship within the family. All the same, this is the reason why balancing multiple identities is important to a teenager. When Sundara is confused about what to do and what not to do, and who she is, this is a typical identity crisis. Adolescence is an important turning point. Teenagers are not children anymore; they are growing up to be adults who should have the ability to take care of a child or face life problems independently. If the family can give the teenager some appropriate support, it might make the teenager feel more comfortable, and the problem should be easier to solve. This novel shows that balancing the identities and dealing with the conflicts between identities are difficult problems for a teenager, but once he or she overcome them, the teenager becomes more confident in who he or she is.
Overall, teenagers might have difficulty dealing with the conflict among multiple identities. It takes time for them to find out what kind of person they want to be because they are not sure who they are and what role they should play in society. In Sundara’s case, she experiences struggling with gender identity and cultural identity, since others’ desires for her are not the same as her own determination of identity, and she doesn't know how to overcome the conflicts between identities. No matter how much you know about your identities, making an effort to find balance might be a good idea to know more about yourself and also might make you happier because you know what kind of person you want to be.
